This blog is typically for "non-personal" topics related to health, spirituality, transformation, consciousness, and all things holistic. But, just like religion necessarily involves forming the opinion of the politician in this country, so does my personal experience form the basis of my knowledge and teachings. Well, this has been a hard couple of weeks, and I'm not the only one feeling it.
It has been a week of fire.
Women are on fire.
Women are breathing fire.
Women are burning with fire from the inside to the outside. It might be painful, ugly, liberating, confusing, frightening, and illuminating all at the same moment. If you are a woman, you may want to run away from yourself a lot. If you are not a woman, and you have been around us, you may already be long gone, but yet are drawn back to the light from our softly glowing embers and the heat from our raging flames.
I know all this because I happen to be feeling it all so intensely. The conversations with Practice Members or people calling hoping to become members of the practice have centered around motherhood, nurturance, guilt, disappointment, and finally into a death of the ideal of the "mother."
The days have shifted at times into massive energy focusing on female archetypes and repressed anger and resentment, and then that wilted away into a death/rebirth cycle with the beginning of Fall and the Equinox. With Yom Kippur energy as the holiest day of the year in the Jewish faith we had collective atonement and cleansing/death/rebirth, all while the Pope came to America to shine a big Vatican 24K gold encrusted flashlight on the darker Shadow aspects of us as a nation by asking us to basically "grow up already."
Now Sunday we are heading into a rare full blood moon total lunar eclipse in Aries. This is the last of four consecutive ones, called a tetrad. The astrologers are flipping out about it. Trust me, several of my friends are pros, and I can barely keep up with their panted breathing when they talk about it much less fully understand it.
It feels like the emotions are purging out of me in a high drama fashion, and the integration piece is very slow in coming. This is a time of tremendous upheaval, tremendous death of the old, tremendous creation of the new, tremendous feminine force of turbulent death and destructions coupled with unbridled creation and nurturing that only the feminine can provide.
There is something that whispers in me, "Enough!" with a feigned attempt at a strong boundary.
It is the voice of the victim that is still left over deep inside, and she is scared but taking on greater responsibility for her life, yet lost as she is losing all her comfortable trappings in this death phase.
I pulled out my tarot card deck this week. I haven't touched them for perhaps 12 years. The first card drawn in the spread: Death. It drew a big grin on my face as I settled into knowing everything is going to be ok. It's actually an amazing card, and it helped what I see in myself and everyone in my office make perfect sense. Another synchronous piece of evidence showing that things in the Self need to die to allow transformation and growth. This is typically ego and attachments and unhealthy habits, and they don't die a soft, comfortable death. The discomfort is to be expected and worth the purging of emotions, thoughts, beliefs, possessions, ideals, and even relationships that at first may seem tragic, but are necessary to birth the new life within.
Be kind and easy with yourself. If you are in Atlanta like me, enjoy the incredibly cleansing rains and lightning tonight, and look up tomorrow at the moon as it is moves very close to the Earth. As the tides are rising higher and the waves are larger, so are your emotions. Just let them ride and crash gently along knowing it will settle down very soon.